


April Fools Fic

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: April Fools, Fluff, Kissing, Love, M/M, Pranks, Slight Voyeurism, bantz, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10521387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm. He just wanted Dan to know that he could also pull a cheeky prank..





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy April Fools Day, everyone. I didn't have the heart to pull any pranks on you guys, so I pulled a prank on myself called "let's see if I can write a fic instead of sleeping". Ha. Really got myself there...  
> You're welcome. <3  
> Enjoy the some much needed fluff, you mutherfluffers!
> 
> Reading Time: 00:25:46

This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm.

It was early in the morning and Phil was used to a quiet house until 12:00 when his best friend and flatmate would wake up. He rolled out of bed at 9:00, regretting his choice of staying up with Dan the night before because he had a lot of editing to do and he had already yawned thrice since he had left the bed. As he took his morning shower, he remembered that it was April Fool’s Day and he laughed a little, excited about the new DanandPhilCRAFTS video that they were scheduled to put out that day. Phil had never been one for pranks and a couple years back when Dan had the idea of pretending that they were a thing, Phil turned him down because he wasn’t really comfortable with that - especially after what happened in 2012, and they came up with the craft idea which was pretty amazing anyway. People really responded well to that.

But Phil was no stranger to a good old fashioned trick. He always got excited as a kid because in his house, April Fools Day was always just an excuse to play little tiny tricks on his friends and family. He remembered dying his family’s milk red one year and flipping his kitchen table upside down. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the harmless pranks that he’d pulled in the past, kind of itching to do one this year.

Dan was not an easy target however. He was one of those people who, like Phil, found little pranks hilarious and more often than not, Dan was playing them on Phil. Whether those pranks were jumping out and scaring him and filming it for the world to see or putting flour in his hairdryer after a shower, Phil knew it wouldn’t be easy to get Dan back because he was always expecting it. Especially on a day like today. One thing he had gotten pretty good at however, was snapping pictures of Dan while he was asleep or not paying attention. Those were easy. Dan couldn’t be on guard when his eyes were closed or he was lying on the floor and brainstorming a video. He obviously trusted Phil enough that he wouldn’t bother him too much while he was taking a catnap or slouching over on the couch and drooling. But Phil was not above taking those photos. They were admittedly pretty funny. His fists balled when he thought about the picture Dan took at the oscars party, shaking his head and deciding that he was going to get Dan back today. He was going to play a harmless little prank that would get Dan back for that sneaky little photo.

Phil stepped out of the shower and got himself ready for the day. He pulled on some sharks and dolphins and padded out into the hallway. Dan’s door was still closed. Perfect. This was the opportunity he was waiting for. Usually, Phil didn’t go into Dan’s room without an invitation, but Phil figured that since it was a special occasion, he would be let off the hook when Dan found out.

He placed his hand on the handle of the door, gently twisting it and sliding the door open a crack. Luckily, the door was totally silent. The position of Dan’s bed made it easy for him to snap a picture without even opening the door all the way. Phil didn’t even have to slip his head in. He could just point the phone and shoot. Plus, Dan was lying on his back and there was no way he was going to be able to see Phil even if he was awake. Phil slipped his hand into his pocket, pulled out his phone and aimed it through the crack, onto Dan’s sleeping form. He couldn’t see Dan’s face in the frame which his friend would probably appreciate because he knew how particular Dan was about his appearance in photos. There were no chances for fringe checks today as Phil quickly took the cheeky shot and backed out of the room within about two seconds flat. He didn’t want Dan to wake up because how the hell would he explain that one? “Yeah, I’m just creeping around and watching you while you sleep?” He didn’t even really have time to look at the photo itself, all he knew was that Dan hadn’t caught him and he had finally gotten him back for that one during the oscars.

He snickered as he entered the living room and turned on the usual. Some re-runs of the British Bake Off would do. After all, he wouldn’t want to watch an episode that they hadn’t seen before. Dan would surely be pissed if he missed some more curdled cake tears. He opened up Twitter and scrolled through some of his feed. There were plenty of celebrities and friends that were playing into the day, having the same ideas about pranking their followers. Phil rolled his eyes at some he saw on Casper’s Twitter and one he saw on Zoe’s. He laughed at some cute dog gifs, some compilation of dogs falling into snow, then his thumb drifted toward the top of the screen. He clicked on the little icon in the top right, a blank canvas ready to receive his little prank.

_@danisnotonfire April Fools! Sincerely, your flatmate who is getting stealthier!_

He quickly attached the photo and then hit send faster than he had ever sent a tweet. He was excited for the world to finally realize that it was not only Dan who could pull a good prank, Phil was just as capable.

For forty seconds, he was happy. He was proud of himself and he was just about to continue watching his program when he heard a loud bang and a door swing open.

“Phil Lester!” Dan’s scream was loud and Phil could hear it clearly, as if Dan was sitting right beside him. He smirked a little because he had a feeling he knew what was coming his way. He loved riling his best friend up like this. But he thought too soon, because suddenly he heard his friend stomp down the hallway and Phil’s brow furrowed. Those didn’t seem like _friendly_ stomps. They seemed like actually angry stomps.

Sure enough, Dan’s face appeared in the doorway and then the rest of his body, his pokemon trainer trakkies hanging low on his hips and his shirt left on his bedroom floor. When Phil looked up at Dan’s face, expecting a smile, he was greeted with pure anger.

“You need to delete that tweet right now.” Dan ordered with a hostile tone. Whatever was left of Phil’s smile fell from his face and a frown took its place. He was frozen. It was just a prank. What was Dan so angry about? “NOW PHIL.”

Phil’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms.

“Why? What’s the problem? You took a picture of me a few weeks ago while I was sleeping! How come I can’t-”

“Phil. Delete the photo.” Dan was rubbing his temples, clearly flustered and upset about this as Phil reached for his phone.

“I mean, fine, but I don’t understand-”

“Did you look at it?”

“Hm?” Phil was scrolling and leisurely making his way to twitter where he found his post and thumbed over the delete button.

“Did you look at the photo before you bloody posted it?” Dan asked, putting his fists on his hips. The tweet was deleted and Phil was unsure what Dan was on about. He navigated to his photo album on his phone and opened up the photo. He glanced up at Dan who was still fuming, raising his eyebrows as if he was daring Phil to take a good hard look at what was in front of him. Phil was entirely confused, but he looked down and analyzed the picture.

“Of course I looked at it. What are you-”

Phil stopped.

Oh.

He didn’t think he had ever fucked up so completely.

Not in his entire life.

Dan seemed to notice his realization as he probably could see Phil turn as red as the tomato on their counter.

“I. Wasn’t. Sleeping.” Dan said through gritted teeth, his face turning a soft shade of red as well.

Sure enough, Dan was right. Phil hadn’t looked closely enough at the photo he took to notice that Dan was in fact not asleep, he was very much awake, taking care of a unique problem that likes to surprise their gender in the morning. Phil had zoomed in and although it was hardly noticeable when looking at the picture from afar, Phil could clearly see Dan’s monstrous hand, wrapped around what could only be, without mistake, Dan’s dick.

“Oh crap.” Phil said, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He heard Dan scoff as his heartbeat stopped.

“Oh _crap_ ?” Dan asked. “That’s all you have to say? Oh _CRAP_?”

“I-I’m SO sorry...oh my god.” The reality of what had happened finally hit him and he self declared himself as the worst friend in the entire world. “Oh my god. Dan. I should have-”

Silence.

“I should have looked. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just-” He couldn’t finish a sentence he was too embarrassed. He couldn’t even _imagine_ what Dan felt like right now. Half the internet had just seen his dick and here he was, standing in the door, probably plotting Phil’s murder.

But Dan only narrowed his eyes and stared at Phil was swore he was about to cry and Phil watched as he took a deep breath, releasing it and nodded with pursed lips.

“Next time, just check before you post a photo. You should know better.” Dan said the words flatly, turned on his heels, then fled the room, his bedroom door shutting with a slight slam. No yelling. No screaming. Just a calm voice and then _nothing_.

Phil was left shaking, in disbelief. How could he have been so stupid? Dan was right. He _should_ know better. Their life was documented left and right. Their followers were relentless. They picked out little blemishes and claimed they were hickeys. They always had to check their side tables for incriminating objects because they would never live it down if they left fucking lotion on the desk. _God forbid_. The phandom dug for this kind of shit and Phil had just handed it to them on a silver platter. And oh fuck, now he was getting tweets. Shit shit shit.

Phil was a complete flop.

But right now, the internet was the last thing on his mind. Dan. Dan was the first. Dan was probably fuming. Hell, he would be too. Phil had literally shown his most private parts to the world and he hadn’t said more than “you should know better.” There was something wrong about that. Dan must be really really mad. With good reason of course. But it was rare that Dan didn’t voice his opinion so Phil needed to suck up his own terror and embarrassment and go make sure his friend was doing alright.

He got up from the couch and he migrated to the closed door that guarded his best friend’s room (he wasn’t even sure if he held best friend status anymore to be honest). He knocked lightly and shuffled so he wasn’t standing so close to the door.

“Dan?” He called once there was no answer. “Dan can I come in?”

“I’d rather you not.” Dan’s voice was monotone and Phil could tell he wasn’t a happy camper. Phil stayed silent and waited a few seconds. That seemed to be the answer Dan was going with and Phil couldn’t tell if he was meant to try harder or just back off. But Dan seemed to make that decision by yelling out to him again. “But if you’re just going to stand there silently, then you might as well.”

Phil didn’t think that sounded like an invitation, but he took it as one, desperate to fix this. He would do just about anything.

He opened the door slowly and found Dan sitting at his piano with his hands over the keys. He wasn’t playing, Dan didn’t play very often, he just liked to sit there when he was thinking, sometimes playing a note to jive a memory or something. It seemed he wasn’t even doing that today. Just sitting on the bench with his back slouched and his head staring blankly at the Guild Wars shrine above it. Phil would have smiled if he wasn’t in such trouble. Dan was awfully cute when he was thinking really hard about something. Not that he was thinking that right now. The room was awfully tense.

“I’m really-”

“I know.” Dan spat out. He didn’t give Phil the chance to apologize. Not even a little. “I know you’re sorry. I’m not mad at you.”

“Y-you’re not?” Phil asked meekly.

“No.” Dan sighed, his hands fell from their position and he looked up at the older boy. “I’m not mad. It was a mistake. I get it.”

Phil let out the breath he was holding, running a shaky hand through his fringe.

“I’m just frustrated. There’s nothing we can do about it now. You deleted the tweet. So…” Dan just looked to the floor. “I’m not mad at you, Phil. Relax. I’m just mad about the situation.”

Phil blessed his friend for being so understanding. Phil thought to himself that he might not be the same. He was impressed if he was being honest. Dan seemed a lot more collected than Phil would have been.

“How can I help?” Phil asked, the guilt in his stomach still making him want to hurl. Dan shrugged.

“You can’t. What’s done is done.” Dan said, turning his body and his fingers back to the keys. “Just...try not to respond to anything. People are already…”

There was a slight hesitation.

“...talking about it.”

The guilt reminded Phil again that it was his fault, Dan’s dejected voice sounding rather sad. Phil wished he could turn back time.

“Well…” Phil started. “If you think of anything I could do…”

“Yeah, okay.” Dan said, nodding, staring at the poster again. “I’ll let you know.”

Phil nodded and shuffled on his feet for a minute before deciding that he should leave Dan alone for a bit. The last thing Phil wanted was to be a bother. He left the room and closed the door, going back to his reruns, not really paying attention anyway.

 

-

 

Phil didn’t see Dan again for at least a few hours. Phil thought that maybe he would be hungry, but Dan must have had snacks stashed away because he didn’t leave his room again until nearly suppertime. Phil couldn’t help but think it was his fault. In retrospect, perhaps he should have left the flat so Dan could have some space away from him.

But Dan did show up in the doorway of the lounge and asked if Phil wanted a pizza. Phil checked the time and only then realized it had gotten that late. He nodded and Dan disappeared again to order their usuals.

Phil expected Dan to take his pizza and hide out in his room again, but he brought it to the lounge and plopped himself down in the sofa crease that Phil had left open for him if he had decided to come join him during the day. Phil tried not to act surprised with the younger boy opened the lid of the box and took a photo of it and then tweeting it. Phil understood that it would probably be pretty bad if he had gone radio silence since the incident. But while he was trying to pretend that he wasn’t staring at Dan, studying what he would do next, he suddenly noticed the brown eyes on him.

“What?” Dan asked, his voice quiet as he bit into a slice of pizza. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Phil nodded and snapped out of it. He grabbed a slice and took a massive bite.

“Phil?” Of course it was after _that_ bite that Dan decided to say something and Phil turned his head with his full cheeks, earning a tiny chuckle before Dan kept going. “I have to talk to you about something.”

Phil’s heart fell to his stomach. Suddenly he wasn’t sure the bite was going to go down. Had Dan finally come to his senses? Was he going to move out? Did he not trust Phil anymore? Were they not allowed to be friends? His mind was whirring and apparently Dan could tell from his wide eyes that Phil was thinking into a hole.

“It’s really important so I need you to listen for a second.”

Dan had never used this tone on him. Even if Phil wanted to talk, his mouth was full of pizza and it felt like it had been sewn shut. He just nodded gently, hoping that was enough to let Dan know he was in serious mode. Dan just fidgeted with his sleeve and was barely making eye contact.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, but seeing as we met unfortunate circumstances this morning, it sort of seems appropriate…” Dan started, his face turning a shade of red that Phil hadn’t seen in a long while. The haircuts they got a few days before revealed Dan’s cheekbones that were flushed a pretty pink. “I think you should know that I haven’t been telling you everything I should be telling you, Phil.”

What was Dan on about? Did he kill someone? Was he suddenly confessing to a life of crime and a death sentence? Who actually was Dan Howell?

“You know how you always tell me that I should let you know if I’m having irrational thoughts? You know...the ones that put me in an existential crisis?” Dan started, his eyes dropping to his lap. Phil nodded and Dan saw it in the corner of his eye. “Well I’ve been having some of those thoughts. For a while now. And they’re not the normal ones. You know, the ones about death? Those I can usually tolerate. But these…” Dan played with the hem of his shirt. “...these thoughts are a little more difficult to deal with.”

“What do you mean?” Phil spoke up, not too sure where Dan was going with this.

“Phil, when you caught me this morning, I wasn’t just thinking about some random hot guy on pornhub,” Dan admitted as his voice got quieter. “I was thinking about you.”

Phil nearly choked.

_What?_

“This started a few weeks ago and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. I just...I know I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about my best friend, but I feel like I should come clean before it gets any worse,” Dan said, his voice kind of frantic now, almost like he was worried he wouldn’t get everything out before Phil said something to shut him down. “And I get it if you totally hate me...I just-”

“No, no, I don’t hate you…” Phil trailed, his mind blanking entirely. “I just didn’t...expect it, is all.”

“Yeah...” Dan said. His head was hung and Phil was totally lost. This day had been a roller coaster. It was like the Universe had decided that it was going to screw with Phil’s life today. No mercy.

Phil thought about what Dan just said, Phil’s eyes locked onto the pizza box in front of him. He thought hard. A few weeks was a long time to fester on a crush. Why did Dan think it was a good idea to tell him about it? Did he expect Phil to feel the same way? Oh no...Phil felt himself getting hotter. He loved Dan, a lot. He was his best friend. But he most certainly didn’t think of Dan in the same way that Dan was describing. Dan was a wonderful human being and Phil knew that he was objectively good looking but Phil had never looked at Dan that way and it didn’t really seem possible for him to think of him as anything more than a pal. What the hell was he supposed to say? Dan was sitting there quietly, his emotions on the table and his best friend was staring at the food in front of him like some sort of dumbass. God, Phil was not on his A-game today. He wondered if it had anything to do with…

That was it.

April Fools Day.

Suddenly, Phil understood what was going on here.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, seeming to startle the boy beside him as he jumped, his head snapping up to Phil’s face which was sporting a wide grin. “I see what’s going on here.”

“Y-you do?” Dan’s eyebrows raised and his eyes looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Don’t play dumb, D-slice. This is payback for this morning!” Phil laughed, clutching his stomach and nodding. “Very funny. You nearly got me for a second.”

Dan was silent, staring at him with the same shocked expression for moments before Phil saw Dan’s slightly agape mouth turn at the corner and he released a small chuckle as he turned to face his own pizza.

“Yeah. Ha. April Fools.” Dan grabbed his half finished slice and neared it to his mouth. Phil kept eating at his own, patting his friend on the back.

“Good one, Dan. I nearly believed you.”

“Mmhmm.” Dan said, shoving more pizza in his mouth and averting his eyes from Phil’s gaze.

“You’ve gotten really good at blushing on command.” Phil was impressed. He wished he could pull something like that. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t cut out to be a prankster. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Nah, I think I’m just going to head to bed.” Dan said, closing the box. He barely ate anything and if Phil knew Dan, as he did, he would guess that something was bothering him. Then again, Dan’s dick was on the internet and Phil understood the sour mood he might be in because of that.

 

-

 

The events of April Fools Day passed and Phil realized that Dan was not getting any less weird. He was still awfully skittish around Phil and Phil rarely saw him unless they were eating together or doing something important that required both of their presence. The internet had calmed down and it became quite evident who the real phans were. Sure, people freaked out and both Dan and Phil avoided social media for a while, but clearly without even asking them to, the fans picked up on the mistake and they pretty much stopped circulating the image. Much like with the Valentine’s Day video, their fans were looking out for them and that made Phil very happy. He hadn’t wanted to mortify his flatmate but if he had to do it, it might as well be to their loyal phans.

But this made Dan’s behavior super weird because now that the image was not a part of gossip and such, Dan was unwarrantedly acting unusual. Phil didn’t like how quiet it was around the house. It was two weeks since April first and Phil had seen more of his own face in the mirror than he had of Dan. And that was surely unusual.

Phil was lying in his own bed, thinking about everything Dan had said to him. When had he started acting strange? It was surely after April Fools Day and that was the last time they had an actual conversation. What had they talked about? Ah, right, Dan’s April Fools Joke. Phil laughed a little to himself when he thought about it. That was a pretty good one. Phil thought about how quickly he fell for that one. Phil was always a little on edge about that sort of stuff. The internet could really get into your head sometimes. At first it was really annoying that so many people that didn’t know him shipped him with his best friend. He thought it was invasive and kind of weird, but he would be lying if he didn’t worry sometimes about the thoughts they had about each other. They spent nearly every second with each other, it’s impossible not to accidently think about the other during odd moments or dream about the other in a weird situation. But Phil was always afraid that one day, one of them was going to wake up in love with the other and the other wouldn’t feel the same way. He didn’t think something like that could happen, but when Dan said what he had said the other day, it scared Phil for a moment. That would have been a nightmare. Phil wouldn’t have known what to do.

Phil thought back a little further to when they first met. Phil would be fibbing if he said he didn’t feel something for the younger boy way back then. He probably would have fallen for the joke a lot more had he still felt that way. The way Dan was all those years ago, small and insecure, totally unsure of who he was as a person and what he wanted to do. Phil had fallen so hard for him that he deemed it dangerous. He didn’t want to influence the impressionable boy at the time so he forced himself to get over his little crush and try to remain friends, guiding and befriending the boy so he would have someone to lean on. Since that beginning year, he hadn’t thought about Dan in that way. Dan had grown, matured, become someone that Phil was proud to be friends with and the internet was convinced that it was all because of Phil. Phil would never think that, but he knew he had a part in it. He chuckled a little as he thought about 2009 Dan and all of his issues. He was so cute and unsure. But now Dan was hot and confident, and Phil couldn’t believe he just thought those words. He shook his head. He didn’t need these thoughts to come back. He tried so hard to repress them and for some reason, opening this box of thoughts was something he only did when he was really tired and full of alcohol. He had no reason to open it while entirely sober and also awake.

But that’s not how thoughts work and now he was thinking about Dan’s smile and how much his cheeks had changed. They had gone from fleshy and pinchable to soft and sculpted. Dan’s eyes had changed from doe eyes to beautiful brown orbs that stared back at Phil with conviction and passion. Phil absolutely loved Dan’s eyes. Dan called them muddy and Phil shut that down real quick. Dan’s body had changed, turning from a lanky boy who didn’t know how to strut, to a thick and comfortable figure that could walk around with enough confidence to put Phil to shame. There really wasn’t a negative to Dan’s appearance, Phil thought. He was also just genuinely nice and suddenly tons of memories flooded behind his eyes. Ones where they ventured outside in the middle of the night because Phil just wanted some chocolate ice cream. Ones where they stayed up all night talking about silly things, Dan’s head leaning and grinning into Phil’s shoulder. Ones where they shared a bed on the tour bus because Dan’s back was in pain and Phil didn’t want to see Dan wince.

Phil was in too deep and he sat up. He needed to stop. He couldn’t think any further into this hole because on a very real note, he knew it was dangerous. This is why it was an April Fools joke, because these thoughts were invalid. It was too ridiculous. Dan knew that. Dan and Phil were not destined to be. Or they would be together already. It didn’t matter how many people shipped them, they were just friends and that was all they ever would be.

But for some reason, Phil was feeling a slight bit of disappointment and he told his brain to shut up.

 

-

 

Phil was in trouble. He shouldn’t have thought about it. Because now Dan was still being distant and all Phil could think about were the things he missed about him. His smile, his eyes, his thighs, his witty humor. He literally could list it all off the top of his head because that was all he could think about. His heart rate would spike when Dan came in to ask him a question and then his whole body would deflate when Dan shuffled off to his bedroom again. Something was wrong with Phil. He knew that he was being irrational. As Dan had joked a couple weeks ago, the thoughts _were_ difficult to deal with.

Normally, Phil would tell Dan about this kind of thought. If it weren’t about Dan, he would have already told him. But Dan wasn’t wrong on April first. Phil wanted Dan to tell him if he ever thought things like this. It had been a joke but that’s why it was so believable. Because Dan would have told him if he had actually felt this way. But that worked both ways. Dan would expect the same from him. Phil froze, his finger stopping its scrolling through Tumblr. He needed to talk to Dan. It was only fair.

He checked the time and made sure it wasn’t too late but when he realized it was only 7:00pm, he was sure his flatmate would be up. He stood and stretched, kind of nervous. He knew it would be no big deal but he hated that him and his friend were on such bad terms. Phil would just mention that these thoughts were coming about because he missed Dan. That’s all. He was sure of it. Maybe they could do a few movie nights a week. Something to make sure Phil was getting proper Dan time. Maybe then it wouldn’t freak Dan out so much, coming clean and telling him that it was no big deal.

He arrived outside of Dan’s door and he knocked, feeling strange. He and Dan hadn’t had a proper conversation in weeks.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil called. “Do you have a second?”

“Yeah, sure, Phil. What’s up?” Dan called, inviting Phil in. Phil opened the door, slowly as usual and tried to keep his body from trembling. He wasn’t nervous. This was no big deal. Dan understood missing people, right?

“Can we talk?” Phil asked, playing with the hem of his shirt. Dan looked at his computer, clicked a few things, and then closed his laptop, scooting over on the bed and patting the space beside him.

“Sure.”

Dan still looked a little sad. Phil didn’t really have a point of reference, considering he hadn’t seen his flatmate in so long, but he liked to think that he knew Dan pretty well and this was not a joyous version of Dan.

“You can’t laugh at me.”

Dan looked confused. “Why would I laugh at you?”

“I don’t know...just...don’t, okay?” Phil requested again, trying to get Dan to understand how embarrassing this was for him to admit.

“Pinky swear. I won’t.”

“Alright...well, first of all, I want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been kind of distant recently and I wanted to see-”

“I’m fine.” Dan jumped in, clearing his throat. “Just haven’t felt the best the last couple weeks. I think I caught something.”

“Oh...alright. Well are you feeling better?” Phil asked, hoping that meant that he wasn’t going to be hiding out as much.

“A bit.” Dan answered, not looking at Phil.

“Well...that’s good,” Phil mumbled, picking at the sheets below him. “Um...so the reason I ask, is that I have been having…”

Phil contemplated his sentence.

“I just...miss you, is all. And I keep having these…” Phil looked at Dan who didn’t seem like he was paying much attention. His face had fallen and he was looking at his own lap. “...thoughts.”

That’s when Dan’s head snapped up. Phil jumped a little.

“Thoughts?”

“Yeah...thoughts,” Phil clarified, nodding. “I don’t know where they came from but I know we have an honesty thing going on and I just wanted to tell you. I’m sorry I hope that’s not weird…”

“No, no...not weird.” Dan stumbled over his words, his eyes looking more than interested all of a sudden.

“And it’s funny,” Phil paused to let out a nervous laugh for a second. “When you were joking a couple weeks ago, you mentioned these _thoughts_ and you said they were difficult to deal with. And I know that was a joke...but it’s funny because they _are_ awfully hard to deal with.”

Dan gave a half laugh but his eyes never changed. They were glued to Phil’s.

“But don’t worry!” Phil quickly added. “I’ve figured it out.”

“Oh you have, have you?” Dan asked quietly, almost like he was expecting something.

“Yes! I know why I’ve been having them,” Phil declared, hoping Dan wasn’t freaking out too much. He seemed a little scared. “I think it’s just because I haven’t been around you much. I keep thinking these things because you aren’t around. So I’m glad you said you’re feeling a bit better because maybe now those thoughts will start to go away. You know?”

Dan didn’t nod. He didn’t answer. He just stared.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I should have said something sooner…” Phil said, trying to read Dan’s reaction but Dan was not moving. He wasn’t even _blinking_ and Phil wasn’t sure what to think. “Are you...okay?”

That’s when Dan blinked and he looked down, his face getting pink again. Phil saw the color wash over his cheeks.

“What are these uh... _thoughts_...about?” Dan coughed, not looking up again. Phil narrowed his eyes. Dan wanted to know what he was thinking about? Wouldn’t that just make this more awkward? He wasn’t going to argue with his best friend though, especially if he wasn’t feeling well.

“Um...nothing _really_ intense. Definitely not like what you were joking about,” Phil laughed a little, watching Dan shrink a little. “But do you want to know something really embarrassing?”

Dan looked up through his fringe and nodded slowly.

“I used to have the _biggest_ crush on you, Dan.” Phil chuckled. “And for some reason I just keep thinking about it.”

Dan had now gripped the sheets in his hand, totally frozen. Phil hoped that what he said wasn’t too weird. He wasn’t really thinking right now and he realized that maybe telling your best friend that you used to like them was not really the best way to go about keeping a friendship.

“Sorry...that’s probably…” Phil didn’t know what to call it. TMI? Not necessary info? _Crazy_?

“No. It’s fine...um. Me too.” Dan said, almost mumbling. Phil’s eyes went wide.

“What?” he laughed. “You too?”

Dan was smiling now, his cheeks pink. Phil could almost see his 2009 best friend in the face that Dan was pulling.

“How have I never known this?” Phil asked, kind of amazed that this had never come up. “I mean, I got over my crush in 2010! We’ve been best friends for seven years. How come we never talked about this?”

Dan was silent again, refusing to look up from his bedsheets below him as he picked at the duvet with his fingernails.

“I mean...when did you get over yours?”

Dan stopped. He froze and Phil kind of thought it was a little creepy. He looked like a mannequin or something even more uncanny. He was staring wide-eyed at his hands and he wasn’t even blinking. Instead of the blush that was previously over his cheeks, the color had drained and Dan was looking paler than ever.

Then he mumbled something that Phil didn’t quite catch.

“What?” Phil asked, leaning a little closer to the boy who was shrinking before him.

“I _didn’t_.” Dan repeated, louder this time.

Now it was Phil’s turn to freeze. What did Dan mean he _didn’t?_ That would mean…

“Wait…”

Dan looked up and met Phil’s eyes. He looked scared. Like he had just told Phil something he shouldn’t have. He was one hundred percent vulnerable and suddenly it clicked. Dan had not been joking a few weeks ago. He had not been trying to get back at Phil for pranking him. Dan had been completely and _entirely_ serious...and Phil had just _laughed._

Oh God.

Phil was being a worse friend than he thought.

But Phil didn’t have time to think about that right now. His mind was taking him back to 2009 when he looked into the younger’s eyes for the first time in person and fell for him. Now that he knew Dan felt the same way, everything was different. Now that he knew that Dan was _still_ feeling the same way, everything was different. Everything that Phil had thought about in the past few days was rushing back to him. Dan’s eyes, his lips, his hair, his whole body. Every inch of Dan. Every single thing.

And Phil felt stupid.

He felt so stupid that he hadn’t thought about Dan like that in so long. Dan had changed so much but as Phil stared into his beautiful brown eyes, he realized that Dan was the same as he had always been. That handsome young boy who just adored Phil and would do anything for him. But now, Phil would do the same for Dan. And was that what you called _love_ ? Was Phil in _love_?

Well holy shit.

This was a lot to realize all at once and it was clearly showing. Phil’s face was a range of emotions but he wasn’t sure about any of them. He had no idea if he should feel angry for not knowing, happy because he felt this way, relieved because of the lack of pressure, or sad because he lost so much time while running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Dan clearly saw the confusion though and he just let Phil work it out in his head for a little bit. Phil could feel the corners of his mouth turn up a little and Dan’s eyes shifted down to view them. He was mimicking Phil’s smile and it seemed that Phil’s was growing.

Phil was racking his brain, trying to figure out the perfect thing to say. Anything to say. He just didn’t know what to do.

Luckily, Dan knew him better than anyone else. He could see the moment it all clicked for him and it was Dan who broke the silence. Not with words but with a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil jumped, gently of course, but he kissed back and that was the moment. The moment of clarity. He was kissing Dan. Dan Howell. Youtuber, best friend, flatmate and the love of his life. His lips were soft and inviting and it seemed like they had practiced this moment for ages. It seemed like Dan had given this kiss a lot of thought which warmed Phil’s heart. He wondered what other things he didn’t know about Dan, if this had been something that he had hidden for seven years. What had Dan thought about those stupid little dates he went on with those stupid girls a few years ago? What did Dan think when Phil complained to him about being lonely and not being able to find anyone? What the hell was Dan thinking when he had caught Phil naked a few years back, having forgotten his towel and walking back from the bathroom? This explained so much and nothing at all and while he kissed the younger boy with the brown fringe, he let his hands tangle into the back of his hair, letting their lips continue their dance until Dan was through. This must have been the moment Dan had been waiting for and it must have taken entirely too long. It’s too bad Phil was so dense. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to wait.

But now he understood. He understood it all.

The kiss broke slowly and they sat breathing heavily for a moment with their foreheads pressed together.

“This isn’t some sort of sick way of getting back at me or something, is it?” Dan asked, his insecure self showing and Phil’s heart melted. He shook his head and chuckled a sad chuckle.

“Of course not, Dan. I would never do that to you,” Phil said, promising Dan something with his words. He hoped Dan didn’t think those things for long. Phil really wasn’t the pranking type.

“Good. Because I’m about to say something really stupid and I want to make sure it’s worth it.”

Phil said nothing, kissing Dan lightly on the lips and smiling in support.

“I love you, Phil Lester.” Dan whispered. “And I’ve loved you for seven years.”

Phil’s heart was a puddle. Dan sounded so sweet and it was as if 2009 Dan was sitting inches from him and telling Phil himself. Dan had probably waited for years to say those words. In that order. To Phil. He could feel the waterworks happening behind his eyes. He felt guilty - of all things. Because he was just not realizing how much he loved Dan. He supposed that he knew, deep deep down, but he wouldn’t let himself think about it. But now that he was...oh, now that he was. He could feel the way Dan’s words affected him. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach.

“I love you too, Dan Howell.”

Before he could say or do another thing, Dan kissed him again and this time, Phil didn’t think he was ever going to let go.


End file.
